Reflections- How It All Began

Today I had the privilege of sharing the Word of God with the female inmates in Mark Luttrell Correctional Center. I love being able to go back and share with those that are still “behind the wall”. While sitting in my office, I found the letter that I wrote to my wife on 12-06-03, the night I preached my first message! I was an inmate at the Shelby County Correctional Center. The LeMoyne-Owen College Gospel Choir (LOCGC) provided the music.


While I was away at prison, “on vacation”, I wrote a letter to my wife every night, as a journal. She kept every last one of them. I’ve contemplated putting them together in book form, but I haven’t decided if anyone would be interested in reading it. In the meantime, I have decided to share some of them on our blog. I’ll share that letter now:

12-6-03

Hey! TO GOD BE THE GLORY! I just got back from church. I’ve been nervous all day, so I couldn’t write. I’ve been in deep meditation. I’ve been focused on my message. I love LOCGC and Mrs. Saulsberry. Tonight couldn’t have been any better. Mrs. Holloway even showed up. I want to write, but I’m just full. Mark this day. To see all of those souls didn’t make my day- it made my life. “Boys run in packs. It takes a man to stand alone”. For one night, I WAS FREE! I was right back in the choir. I’m so glad to know my purpose in my life. I have all the confirmation I need. I’ll write more about tonight tomorrow. But, I do want to add to what I wrote yesterday. He (God) has been preparing me since Junior High. I’ve been speaking in front of crowds since 8th grade. It had to be God because my first speech came at a time I had no idea would come. We had just consolidated 3 Junior High Schools together. I didn’t know a lot of people. The second day of school, we were all brought into the gym. Then, out of the blue, they had student government elections. I was nominated class president by my cousin, Michelle. I was up against 3 white girls. Remember, this is Arkansas and I believe we were in the minority. I won. I was President of our class until my Senior year, when I became Student Council President. I couldn’t be President of the class and Student Council at the same time. So I became V.P. It was funny. In 9th grade, I had several opponents. I won by a landslide. No one ran against me ever again. That was God. Mr. Ford, the principal, called a class meeting trying to get anyone to oppose me. NEVER! I had to give speeches to the class all the time. And my Senior year, I had to address the entire school at every event. I’d lead the Alma Mater and the Pledge of Allegiance. I became comfortable in front of people. He was preparing me then. But I ran away. Now I can’t run. That’s enough for tonight. My head is beginning to hurt. I’m too high! It’s almost 11pm and I’m still excited. Thank you for being in my corner. I love you. KEEP YOUR FAITH! GOOD NIGHT!

Why Do We Need LifeLine?

LifeLine to Success is a very unique program. I use the word program because it is our job to literally change the person that comes to us from a burden on society, one who has no desire to do anything constructive and is selfish, self-centered and greedy, into a person that is an asset to the community and is a positive role model. Our task is to deprogram and then reprogram. This job is not an easy one. Our clients have issues and habits that have been embedded in them for decades. Those issues and habits have become the comfort zone for them. Anything contrary to those issues and habits are seen as negative and unwanted, even though those are the very things needed to turn their lives in a positive direction.

We have had a tremendous amount of success because we love our clients. We aren’t looking for anything from them. We want to pour into them. Simple. The love that we have shown has allowed us to build lasting relationships with our clients and Lifeline to Success has become their new safehaven and comfort zone. That was never more evident that last week, on a day that I canceled class for lack of dedication and participation.

I sent everyone home through a message. I told Stonie to tell everyone to take the day off. When I pulled up, one of our clients was waiting on the bus. He asked me why I canceled class. I told him that I needed him to trust my judgment. He respected that and went on to explain to me why he did NOT want to go home.

“Mr. Brown, I wanna thank you for what you are doin for me at LifeLine. Mr. Brown I don’t wanna go home cause Ima drug deala and I don’t wanna do that no mo. If I go home, um around dope and folks sellin dope. If I try ta hang out wit my old friends, they all doin stuff ion do no mo. I NEED this Mr. Brown. PLEASE don’t make me go home. I gotta new family now. Ya’ll my family and I need ya’ll. PLEASE Mr. Brown, I wants ta work taday.”

It broke my heart to send him home. I told him to pray and hold on to the teaching and I would see him in the morning. He did. And he is still with us. His story is not the only one like that. Most of our clients don’t want to go home. They will come early and stay late. We have an environment that is inviting. They can just come up and hangout.

LifeLine to Success strives to be a beacon of hope for our community. We are a place where you can lay your burdens down. We will counsel you, talk with you, assist in any way that we have the ability. I love what I do. The heart aches and heartbreaks and frustrations are drastically minimized by the sight of our clients reunited with their families and feeling like a part of society again. Gotta love it!

Miss Urelene

While working in the Hyde Park Neighborhood with the BLIGHT PATROL, an older lady, that had had a little too much to drink came over and asked me, “Excuse me, sir, you don’t let ladies work?” (in her overly exaggerated voice). My reply was, “Yes”. She then proceeded to give me her resume verbally. I asked her how much she would charge me to rake a particular yard. She said, “Gimme $12. As a matter of fact, if you leave me some bags, I’ll rake all the yards you have cut on this street before you come back tomorrow.” So I left her some bags. And sure enough, the next morning, the grass had been bagged.

When she came around that next day, she asked if I would consider making her a part of the team. I asked if she was a convicted felon. She hesitated, not knowing what we do, and then said yes. I shocked her when I said, “Good.” At LifeLine, we are a program first and foremost. So, in order for someone to become a member of the work team, they must first join the program and volunteer for a considerable amount of time. I told her that and I told her to come around and we would try her out. In the midst of that, 3 young men from the neighborhood followed her lead and came on board with her.

Urelene is 56 years old, the oldest client in this class. When she met me 7 weeks ago, she was drunk and she wanted to work to earn some money to buy drugs. She was also homeless and she was sleeping wherever she could, mostly in terrible situations. When she came to work the second day, she was sober and ready for work. She worked hard and proved herself to me and to the team. She was the first outsider that I had allowed our group to be exposed to.

Miss Urelene worked for 4 weeks before she received her first stipend. She was doing great. She appeared to have kicked the drug habit and she was sober. She set the standard in the work ethic department. She was always there and always on time. She outworked her younger male counterparts.

The day after payday, Miss Urelene did not come to class. She was missing. I asked and no one knew where she was. So I went on with me day because I was late for a meeting. As my assistant and I drove down Hollywood, I passed the “track” (short for dope track, where drugs are bought and sold) and I saw who I thought was Miss Urelene walking in the parking lot of the store. I yelled to my assistant, “That was Urelene!” I drove about a block and I just had to turn around. When I got to the store, sure enough, it was her.

She had sat down on a box next to the juke joint. Her hair was in disarray. She was dirty. And she was drunk. When I got out of my truck and began to talk to her, I could feel her shame. I pleaded with her to get in the truck and ride with me, but she refused. She said that she did not want the men to see her in that condition. She cried and told me that she was sorry. I did everything in my power to assure her that she was not alone and that we were there to help her in anyway that we could.

The Blight Patrol has a uniform. It is a lime green T-shirt with LifeLine to Success on the front and BLIGHT PATROL on the back. Our clients take pride in that shirt. Miss Urelene told me that her shirt was in her bag, in another bag, because it didn’t need to be out there on the track. She didn’t say that she didn’t need to be on the track. She had found something to take pride in and value. LifeLine gave her that.

The next day, she was back at work. Since that day, we haven’t had to look for Miss Urelene. She is now sober, and living in the Salvation Army- away from the “track” and all of its temptations. She is a leader and all of the men love her. We were able to give her hope and a sense of purpose. We were able to assist her in becoming whole. And she is now our poster child for what our program is about. She is not shy about her past and she takes pride in the fact that the drugs and her old lifestyle did not take her out. Miss Urelene has also reconnected with her family. I am SO proud of her! She makes me get out of bed. She makes me keep pushing. Her testimony, along with everyone else’s, makes this work worthwhile

The Ugly Side of Ministry

Ministry is hard work. When the decision is made to work in the ministry full-time, one realizes that ministry is really dirty work. Emotions get involved. One’s compassion is pushed to its limits. One’s heart is broken on a regular basis, by negative actions and by situations that are beyond one’s control.
It is now 10:55 pm. I just left the house of one of my clients. He is a single father of 3 and he has custody of his children. He called me because he was home alone, in the dark, because his electricity has been turned off for non-payment. And that broke my heart.
He is a former big-time drug dealer that has chosen to leave the street life, and he has begun to live the life of a normal citizen. He has decided to put the well being of his family before his own selfish motives. But that good decision has left him in the dark, with his children living down the street with a relative.
I pulled up to the house and it was completely dark. The lights in the house are off, but the street lights near his house have been knocked out as well. He came to the door with his head down in shame. He began to explain to me how the relative that was helping him to pay the bills because he has chosen to leave the drugs alone has asked that he pay half of the bill. He worked for a few days and she knew he was getting a paycheck. The problem is the pay check was not large enough to pay his half of the light bill.
We sat and talked and he shared more with me tonight than he ever has. He really opened up. I tried my best to encourage him, but I knew that after I left, his lights would still be out. He asked me if I could assist him with the bill. I gave him what I could, but it was not enough. The gesture proved to him that LifeLine is really a ministry that attempts to address every aspect of its client’s lives.
While my heart was breaking because he was in the dark, I was encouraged because he decided it would be better to be in the dark than to get a sack of drugs and sell them to pay the electric bill. He has chosen to sit in the dark. He has decided that living as a law abiding citizen is more important than breaking the law to meet his needs. I was so proud of him!
Reentry training works. It is possible to teach a person that is living a life of crime how to change their way of thinking and become a positive, productive citizen. The road to that end is rough and ugly and hard. Success means that an individual may have to suffer loss and swallow pride. Success means that the value of living right outweighs the effects of current circumstances. Pray for us as we work with our clients. LifeLine is a 24 hour, 365 days a year support system for its clients.

A Close Walk to Peace

Peace is achieved when members of the community come together as an expression of unity to give notice to those that may not have peace on their minds that they are no longer welcome in our community. That is why A Closer Walk to Peace was so important to the Frayser Community.

Frayser is a neighborhood that is in transition. We are attacking all of the things that are not constructive in our community. We are doing that in collaboration, something that has not truly taken place in our community before. Blight, infant mortality, youth violence, domestic violence and other socially acceptable norms are our targets.

I was very moved by the show of force that was displayed this weekend at the walk. It was attended by people that have the access to the resources that our community so desperately needs. They were able to see first hand what obstacles our neighborhood faces on a daily basis.

If you were not there, I wish you could have seen it! There were over 10 police cars there, waiting to escort us on our trek from Ed Rice Community Center on Watkins to the James E. Smith Resource Center on Frayser Blvd (two of the busiest streets in Frayser). As we began the walk, the officers stopped traffic in both directions, ALL four lanes. Then we proceeded down Watkins. As we descended down the hill, all we could see were blue lights flashing. The police had blocked every street and parking lot entrance from Whitney to Frayser Blvd. Someone said that it looked like the President was coming! We had an escort in the front, and all traffic was blocked from behind. The cars had to follow the walk. Neighbors began to look out of their windows. Store owners came out to witness. Even the passers by began to inquire as to what was going on. They had never seen that many police in our neighborhood like that before for a good cause.

When we reached Frayser Blvd, the entire intersection was at a standstill. When we turned the corner, we saw that Frayser Blvd. was secured that same way that Watkins was. The manager at Taco Bell even came out and asked what we were walking for. It was a very good day!

I would like to thank Mayors AC Wharton and Mark Luttrell, District Attorney General Amy Weirich, City Councilman Kemp Conrad, MCS Commissioner Stephanie Gatewood, Principal Bobby White, Pastors Walter Smith, Michael Ellis and Jerry Jenkins, Minister Derek Flake, Elder Charlie Caswell, Steve Lockwood, Peter Abell, Zach Thomas, Christine Grandberry, Lee Harris, Terry Spicer, LifeLine board members Minister Samuel McPherson, Kelly Price, Nicole Gates, Shelly Rice, and Patsy Anderson and a host of others for their participation in the walk.

And to our sponsors: Harold Collins for City Council, Myron Lowery, Lee Harris, Kemp Conrad, Amy Weirich, Peter Abell, Dr. Bill Byrne, Texas De Brazil, The Frayser Exchange Club, Hampton Inn, Rangeline CDC, BoneFish Grill, National Civil Rights Musuem, AutoZone-Frayser, Jewson Enterprises- Austin Texas, Smith Printing & Marketing, W.E.B.S, we could not have done this without you!

I can not forget our staff: Starr, Candi, Renee, Tasha, Andrea, and Marshaye. Thank you ladies!

Frayser is on the move, and we are glad to be a part. Unity drives out evil and makes neighborhoods, neighborhoods. God bless!

Taking Back Our Neighborhoods

How do we take back our neighborhoods? What steps need to be taken when the youth feel that they are in control and the adults are afraid to stand up? How do you instill a sense of community pride and ownership in a neighborhood that is comprised of renters, that don’t own property and move to new addresses at random?

I received a call from a man that I consider to be a friend yesterday afternoon. It was Sunday and I had attended three services already. I arrived home and I was changing into my relaxing attire when my phone rang. It was Bobby White, the principal at Westside Middle School. It was the first time he had called me and it was on a Sunday afternoon.

Principal White explained to me that his school and the elementary school next door had been “tagged” (sprayed with graffiti with gang signs to mark territory) by a local gang. He was heartbroken and furious, at the same time. He told me that the schools had been tagged on the front doors, in the parking lot and on the sidewalk. He asked me if I had any ideas on how to fix this problem. My only response was, “I’ll see you at 7 in the morning.”

I met with him and I was shocked to see that he did not have on his usual attire. He was not dressed in a suit, he had on black slacks and a black tee shirt. He wanted to send a message. We walked the properties and he showed me the graffiti. Then he surprised me. He asked if I would address his boys in the cafeteria. And he asked for a word of prayer. We were walking with Mrs. Adams, the principal of the elementary school. She asked if I could address her boys as well.

Principal White spoke to his boys as though they were his boys. He let them know that gangs would not be tolerated in his school. I was truly moved by his love for his students. He asked me to address them and I assured them that they did not have to fight. We, the adults, are charged with that. I, also, assured them that we, LifeLine, and the Frayser community cared for them and would do anything to assist them in obtaining a quality education.

I returned to Westside with my “team” from LifeLine. We visited the middle school and then we went into the elementary school and spoke to the boys. We encouraged and put them on notice that gangs would not be tolerated and we shared with them our pasts.

Today was a great day. I say the community step up in a time of crisis. We showed our children that we do care about them. We offered them a sense of security. We even walked the neighborhood to show the gang members that that was not their territory. I told the kids to spread the word that we would not tolerate gangs and we handle them, if necessary.

I am excited about the direction and future of Frayser. God bless us!

Don’t Train Us to Lie

Today, I was invited to be the guest speaker at meeting for probationers and parolees. We discussed my past and my program. We were having a very candid conversation. Before I left, I opened the floor to questions. One question, in particular, started another discussion. I was asked, “If you are on diversion, how do you answer the question, ‘Have you ever been convicted of a felony’”? Before I could answer, the officer said, “Answer that question, ‘NO’”. And before I could say anything, another person said, “At (unnamed program), they teach us the same thing”!

Needless to say, I was highly upset. We are dealing with individuals that have chosen to go against what society views as normal. They have broken the law and were caught. That shows that there is something in their thinking process that is flawed. We, as trainers, must realize that and then train the to not think that way, presenting them with a different decision making process- one that is not flawed.

I quickly explained to the group and the officer that that was lying- flat out. Diversion, first time felons, and repeat offenders are ALL convicted felons! Diversion is an opportunity for a convicted felon to live trouble free for a specified period of time and if the other conditions are met, that record is expunged. But that only happens AFTER the time has passed. Until then, that individual is a convicted felon.

The reason I was so angry is because I know why this is going on. Programs that are funded by grants have benchmarks and quotas to meet. So they must find ways to gain employment for their participants. The motivation then is shifted from what is best for the client to what is best for the program. This CAN NOT be about programs. It must be about the people. We are dealing with real people, real lives, not numbers. While the employment numbers for the program may look good, it does not reflect the fact that the individual lost that job once the employer completed the background investigation and found the criminal record.

Understand this, the clients that we deal with have been turned down and looked down upon for their pasts for so long that it begins to affect them emotionally. The fact that they were able to find employment removes some the negative self image. There is a sense of accomplishment that goes with finding employment. So imagine what it must feel like to have that taken away because you lied on the application. That person, now, feels worse than before they were employed. That type of disappointment will lead a person back to a life of crime.

In short, by training this group to lie, their negative thought processes are only exacerbated and strengthened! It is our job, as trainers, to teach them that negative thinking ALWAYS brings negative results. We must make negative decision making practices unattractive. This is life or death. Leave this line of work to those that have a heart for the people, not a desire to have a great program.